Okay, this is scary, but here is an excerpt from my NaNo writings, A Monarch in the Making, in all its unedited glory:
Ash put his head down, his chin nearly resting on his chest. Placing his hands in his pocket he sighed. Looking back up he wondered if the sorrow he felt inside was reflected in his face.
‘I think I might be the biggest idiot around. I’m truly, to the very bottom of my heart, hurt by what you did to me. I never thought, not in a million years that you could do that to me. Not after everything that has happened. Not after the promises you made to my father.’ He looked out the window, trying to keep his temper in check. ‘You put a price on our relationship. Families don’t do that. Not that you can think much of us as a family because you just threw us away, like garbage. You basically said you know what, your happiness is not quite worth this much money. You know, it really does hurt. How can you champion yourself as a ole model when you are willing to discard your family like that. I know we aren’t related by blood, but I valued the famiy that we had become.’
(His stepmother) lifted her hand to her throat, as if to ward off his words. Opening her mouth she didn’t get the chance to speak. ‘I don’t want words, no words. It is too late for that now. No, none at all.’
To force the words home Ash leant down on the table and looked her straight in the eye. Speaking slowly, but with a forcefulness that was not to be mistaken he made his position clear. ‘I don’t want to you to talk to me.’
(stepmother) sat there, her mouth opening and closing, like a goldfish out of water, but with no sound coming out.
‘Honestly, the hardest part for me was the fact you took away time I could have spent with Bree. Ohhh,’ Ash sighed, shook his head. He bent over, his hands supported by his knees as he tried to think of the words that could express the feelings that, up until this moment, he had been too afraid to even think to himself.
Standing up, he took a deep breath and started again. ‘Bree, when I told you that day by the billabong, when you asked me if I was playing you or not, I told you honestly that I wasn’t faking it. I’m not faking my feelings for you. I might have made light of it, turned it into a joke, but I really am having feelings I’ve never felt before and have never –‘ he broke off, taking a deep breath to steady himself, ‘I honestly feel like I startyed to fall in love with you.’ Ash looked at Bree, his eyes baring his soul as she smiled up at him.
‘You ar an amazing girl and I want everyone to know that and I …. I’m glad I didn’t stay in Brisbane so I could be here and have met you.’
Bree held his gaze as she mouthed the words ‘thank you’ to him. Ash shrugged and sat down, still smiling at Bree.
While a mixture of emotions coursed through Bree she realized she had to make a decision. Ash still didn’t know that she was the mysterious girl from the ball, and she knew that it was the magic of that new year’s kiss that had held him back from her. She also knew that, regardless of everything he had just said, that the guilt over his fathers death would prevent him from severing ties with his stepmother and force him to stay on the station. She knew whe sould have to make a very hard decision.
With her heart bursting with love, she realized whe would have to go. She couldn’t be responsible for breaking up the familuy. And she new that the guilt he felt over his fathers deathwould just worsen if he didn’t stay at the farm. But she couldnlt stay behind. Similarly her family duties meant she had to return to Sweden. While she new it would break her heart she made the silent decision to leave.